~this is what you look like - not after eating like 40 gallons of hotdog (like Kobayashi)- but after watching half a season of 24. Yes. Only HALF a season. 12 hours! 12 HOURS DAMNIT! ~In case you couldn't tell I, TecknoZ, HATE 24 with a HUGE BURNING PASSION bigger than any CONSTIPATION you're lower AND upper intestinal chords could ever endure COMBINED! ... ARGH!
MY HEAD IS GOING TO ASPLODE!!!!
...please... someone... anyone... please kill me... now...
*sigh*
This all began about... 28 hours ago. I was walking downstairs to see if there were any delicious new kinds of food in the pantry. Unfortunately there was absolutely nothing. However, I looked at the TV room (which is connected to the kitchen) and saw my parents sitting on the couch watching an early episode of the second season of 24. Now, if you've never heard of 24 then... well I have no idea what to say to you because you probably don't speak english. Which means you can't read this you neandertholic missing link of a wasted orgasm that time has seemed to forget with the likes of nessie the loch ness sea monster and rip van winkle so although you somehow figured out how to use something as complex as a computer and scoure the internet untill you landed in this hellish rant of pure anger and malice i have no idea what i've been saying so i'm just gonna say why the hell don't you know what 24 is? Geebies!
However, despite whatever notion you may have of 24, IT IS TIME TO STOP BEING FOOLED! 24 is NOT an amazing TV show that is much more like a movie that somehow AMAZINGLY is able to keep twisting and turning like a two cent whore fish suddenly dropped onto a scalding hot teriyaki steak house cauldren of death-pain
NO! It is NOT a fun and enjoyable show that wraps around your throat-bone and draws you in feeding you just enough succulent information to keep you begging (on your knees) to find out what will happen to your poor beloved characters.
NAY!
It is none of this! 24 is in fact PURE EVIL! Evil of evils that we are not supposed to comprehend! Evils like the world has not seen since the days dragons roamed its soft, fertile bosom!
It is propoganda.
Now, you may be saying 'wtf is thi5 n00b t4lking aboot lolz omgwtfbbqsteakandfriesPORCUPINE!' ... or you might not... BUT! The fact of the matter still stands that the truth behind 24 is a very very very and yes exetremely (spelt correctly) very intricate plot to destroy the 21st century imperialistic fabric of the united states. You see, now that we are in the year 2000, countries are no longer going to war with each-... okay... that was random. I'll admit that that was random. What I mean was:
The 21st century has ushered in a new wave of warfare into the history books of humanity. As you may or may not know, but probably not, the US and China will probably go to war within the next 20 years. You see, China, having a population of over 1 billion (wtf is up with that? freakin bunnies) not only has easily the largest land army on the planet, but also the largest amount of workers; therefore, the largest amount of production power; therefore: A chance to become the worlds leader in exports.
Now here's where it gets interesting:
You also may or may not know, that throughout history, whenever a new country comes into the big-kid realm of world powers, it not only goes to war with the last leading country, but also pwns its ass so hard the other country is forever known as complete bitch. I mean, just look at Britain. (Sorry Britain. I sitll like you're... uhm... ... British accents are cool)
So if you haven't put it together yet, let me explain to you the United States' current situation:
We have a war-hawk-useless-jack-ass-'president' creating the image that Americans love 1-Jesus, 2-the white man, 3-shooting bears, and 4-tractors, and hate 1-evolution, 2-ligit education, 3-'minorities' even though in actuality the caucasian ethnicity is the minority on the planet, and 4-other countries that have money.
'But its just 2005- 2006. The US will have much better foreign communication skillz in the next 20 years.' Well that's BS. The government is becoming overrun with other close-minded, diehard, pro-natural-design, war-hawking republicans. Now, I'm not saying that rebuplicans are bad. If you look at the democrats you've got a bunch of scared, completely in-efficiant, too indecisive old people who don't think far enough into the future to make ligit desicions. And when you combine 'em you get this medly circus of 100% American monkey feces that is so deteriorated you can't even fling it from one side of a keyboard to the other.
Now lets hypothetically skip to about 20 years into the future. China is just about on top in world exports, racking in a lot of money that it is using to produce hydrogen public cars for its big cities, new medicines and vaccines because they keep getting nailed by stuff like the bird flu, cutting down on pollution and wastes, unifying the Chinese people, and most-likely increasing its army. Now, here's the thing with the army bit: America and China are more similar than you might think. I've already said that the American government is getting filled with arrogant,war-hawking old bastards. But the Chinese government is probably under the same kind of rule. The Chinese children of today are the most adamant on their asian pride. Comparing them to South Korean and Japanese children, you'll see Chinese children at riots and taking action to try and maintain Chinese nationalism while the other kids are probably toking up on something while watching crazy anime and breakdancing.
But that's not the only necesity for the military expansion thing. The only reason China would increase its military funds would be if it saw a formidable the threat. Most countries don't have much of a problem with China. If they need nukes they can get 'em from China, if they wanna fight the US they can get help from China, if they want some good 'ole pork fried rice they can go to China. But the US is different. Lets say, and this IS actually possible, lets say the next president is like Bush. A president bent on America, democracy, and 'freedom' taking over the world. Where a countries choice of being capitalist-run and having poverty, or being communist-run and having a mass of drone-humans with no contact to the outside world. And then lets say the president after that one is the same. I say this is possible because these type of war-hawk presidents are typically republicans. Democrats are just too laid back to wanna kick everybody's ass. They're more into peace and actually having America get a surpluss of money (live long in prosper Clinton !!MONICA!!).
So: You've got two countries who have been battling on an economic level for over 25 years. These countries are led by foolish old dickwads who want nothing but eradication. And they've got a huge amount of soldiers (why do you think the American government stopped focusing on truly educating kids? Stupid kids = more meat for the grinder).
Now say a war isn't inevitable.
What does this have to do with 24?
24 is an INCREDIBLY well designed plot by Chinese ninjas. Although Chinese ninjas have been known for being highly skilled, it was assumed that they were never as powerful as Japanese ninjas. However, the skillz 24 has shown in completely dominating airtime as opposed to Japanese anime shows rooting themselves into the American audience at the child level to blossom later (which is starting to happen now), shows that the Chinese ninjas may actually be surpassing the Japanese ninjas. Also, it might be important to note that when China and the US do go to war, Japan is gonna be completely nuked and 100% of the japanese people will be killed. China and Japan have a really really bad history. That really sucks.
The thing I think the Chinese government is gonna do with 24 is simple: If you've ever spent about 28 hours watching and thinking almost soleley about 24 you'll see the dramatic affects this show not only has on your brain, but your entire body. The episodes begin to mesh together. All you can think about is Jack and the CTU and how much of a whore Nina is and Kim has amazing bounce and for some reason all government cars are mad fly and how in most action movies and shows the main hero guy has incredible luck but Jack is probably the most unluckiest person you have seen in a long long time... and your body is just dead... like a zombie... A ZOMBIE! DO YOU SEE IT NOW!?
24 programs itself into your entire body! It churns your organs and crushes your brain with mere soundwaves and lights projected through freaking plasma cells! ITS INCIDIEOUSLY INGENIOUS! AND SO CRUEL!
On the battlefield all China will have to do is have GIANT video screens displaying marathons of uncut episodes of 24! Think War of the Worlds but instead of a little screaming girl and people exploding, just hordes of people following giant TV screens and the voices of special agents and terrorists echoing off empty war machines.
This is the future we will be facing.
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Ninja Styarue 2: Rise of the Cyberbullies Trailer. This movie is really really sweat. I've spent the last few days finishing it up (and watching 24 and reading
Io) and it turned out really niiice. So please watch it when it comes out in a week or two.
Holy crap... I waste waaay too much time writing these. I love you on average 6.78 people who visit this site per day. I love you much too much.
... ... oh man I gotta go do something productive...
cya
-.- A very exhausted Teck
